Cherry Red Guy

I really do love this article. From the New Yorker: PLANT...

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 20:33:00 -0500

I really do love this article. From the New Yorker:

PLANT TV

by Adam Gopnik

MARCH 15, 2010

Jonathon Keats—a San Francisco-based experimental philosopher who has, over the years, sold real estate in the extra dimensions of space-time proposed by string theory (he sold a hundred and seventy-two extra-dimensional lots in the Bay Area in a single day); made an attempt to genetically engineer God (God turns out to be related to the cyanobacterium); and copyrighted his own mind (in order to get a seventy-year post-life extension)—came to New York a couple of weeks ago to exhibit his latest thought experiment: television for plants. In a landscape of conceptual art most often known for pure puzzlement or pallid preaching, Keats is a poet of ideas, whose work always rests on a solid basis of scientific research and resolves in a startling, semi-serious image.

The television-for-plants project has been installed in a fifth-floor space at the AC Institute, on West Twenty-seventh Street, in Chelsea. A collection of houseplants—the kind of rubber plants that your great-aunt watered and tended—rest on the floor, thoughtfully regarding a video on a screen above their heads. The video shows, on a six-and-a-half-minute loop, a beautiful Italian sky, which passes into night, complete with romantic Italian moon, and then returns to dawn. Visitors are urged to bring their own plants to watch the show.

Jon Keats—that really is his given name—has mastered an expression so sincere that one begins to suspect him of irony. With that look embossed on his face, he explained to a visitor, the other day, that television for plants was an extension of an earlier project to make pornography for plants. “Pornography is where every filmmaker starts out,” he said evenly, “and in my case I was making pornography for plants by filming bees pollinating flowers.” There were two different shows of plant porn: one in Chico, California, for about a hundred rhododendrons, and one at Montana State University, for as many zinnias. “I knew that the act of pollination was the most titillating experience for plants,” Keats said. “So I spent a couple of days on the ground, seeing how light and shadow were experienced from their perspective. Once I had a very stark black-and-white image—sun up high, bees flying by. I let it run for a month, and let the plants experience vicarious sex. And let people stand at the periphery and giggle nervously.”

He continued, “So I decided to go on to other plant subjects, and to me the subject that would be most interesting to plants is travel. Plants don’t get to go anywhere. They’re rooted in the ground. But if you’re a plant you’re not going to get excited about the Eiffel Tower—instead, you’re going to be excited about the sky.”

Keats filmed an Italian sky over two months. “We know that plants experience light very differently in different parts of the spectrum,” he said. “Both NASA and the Soviet-era agronomy schools studied this problem closely, because of their interest in how to grow plants in space or indoors in Siberia. I wanted to think of it not as manipulation of plants but as entertainment and edification for them. I knew that they could experience color, and—knowing that where you are in the world will have a great effect on what color relationships you experience—I wanted to bring that whole specific set of color experiences to plants, which would otherwise never be able to get to Italy.” (Keats also included jet trails in the video, because “I didn’t want to be too pastoral. I didn’t want to idealize Italy for the plants. These are travel documentaries, not advertisements to get plants to travel.”)

The plants, soberly observing their entertainment, seem wholesomely unmanipulated. But Keats is also aware of the small didactic point lurking in the project. “What I’m always doing is trying to pose thought experiments in the old-fashioned philosophical way,” he said, “imagining from a radically different perspective circumstances that are very familiar to us, in order to make them unfamiliar and force us to start to pull them apart. So if your children are supposedly vegetating in front of the television when they watch it for hours, what happens when you show television to vegetables? I don’t have the answers, or I wouldn’t make the work.” ♦

I heart the cool kids on the internets.

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:40:22 -0500

I heart the cool kids on the internets.

A brief description of what reconciliation actually IS. Sans the...

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 13:41:00 -0500

A brief description of what reconciliation actually IS. Sans the Republican histrionics.

Just finished Malcolm Gladwell’s What The Dog Saw. Read...

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 12:16:00 -0500

Just finished Malcolm Gladwell’s What The Dog Saw. Read parts of it twice, they were so great. Especially loved his essay outlining the differences between artists who burst onto the scene, like Picasso, and artists who take years to cultivate their work, like Cezanne. Lovely deep thoughts surrounding fascinating info. Fave bit: Cezanne made critic Gustave Geffroy sit for a portrait 80 different times in 1895 before Cezanne, in frustration, declared the painting a failure. Tossed it aside. Wouldn’t sell the portrait to poor Geffroy. It’s now considered to be a masterpiece.

Srsly, this’s gotta rank among the funniest Daily Show...

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 18:00:00 -0500

Srsly, this’s gotta rank among the funniest Daily Show bits of all time. Also, I truly and deeply love Brian Williams.

I just finished Game Change. What an amazing book. And not just...

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 10:30:00 -0500

I just finished Game Change.

What an amazing book. And not just because you get to hear these folks talking like real people: McCain repeatedly yelling Fuck you at Cindy until she burst into tears, Hillary in response to Claire McCaskill’s comments that she’d like to keep her daughters away from Bill? “Fuck her.” But also because soooo much is explained: why Hillary’s message was so unclear, how Sarah Palin got picked, why McCain seemed like he didn’t really give a shit. Honestly, I haven’t had so much fun with a political book since Maureen Dowd’s Bushworld.

Anyway… Here are a couple super cool bits I think are worth pointing out…

SUPER COOL BIT #1: Harry Reid’s Magic Negro. Of course, I’m referring to Harry Reid’s quote to the effect that Obama was a “light-skinned” African-American “with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.” It was the first thing to be grabbed from the book and batted around on cable news. Clumsy as it was, it also seemed obviously out of context. The book makes it clear that the press had just opened the book and scanned for dirty words. Or something akin to it. The chapter where Reid makes the statement is actually a fascinating part of the book. It paints a picture of Reid, the leader of a party, calling the talented newbie senator, Obama, to his office. Godfather-like, Reid tells Obama he thinks he should go for it. He’s the first party bigwig - WAAAY ahead of anyone else - to encourage him to run. And Reid knew that the implications were huge. It was an astonishing slight to Hillary, and more importantly perhaps, to Bill. The Clinton dynasty was about to be overthrown and Reid was the one who set it all in motion. As Leader, he began a whisper campaign, setting the groundwork that would allow newer faces like Claire McKaskill and older ones like Ted Kennedy to eventually go public with their support.

SUPER COOL BIT #2: John Edwards was totally deluded. Not only did everyone on his campaign know about his affair, they knew about it MONTHS before you would think they might’ve. They basically were there every step of the way. Watching Edwards scheme for the VP slot, then for the AG job, then… well, he finally gave up. But the picture of him as a total dummy and BS artist, whose wife was the brains of the operation (but who also was a megalomaniacal nightmare), was incredible. I’m now in absolute and total agreement with the TV folks who are hyper-critical of Edwards. He really did almost take down the whole party.

SUPER COOL BIT #2.1: Elizabeth Edwards is a megalomaniacal nightmare. It’s tough to be too awfully critical of a cancer survivor. But, apparently she’s an insane freakshow horrorshow of rather epic proportions. The book describes her as “abusive, intrusive, paranoid, and crazy.” There’s one tale that haunts me still, where, having busted John for his affair but still careening wildly between anger and grief, she angrily tears open her shirt on an airport tarmac, screaming “Look at me!” at Edwards and a handful of horrified staff. Oh and btw, it was breast cancer.

SUPER COOL BIT #3. Obama actively participated in all of the crass negative politics that were used against the Clintons. Despite all his assertions to the contrary. Some of it was actually stoked by his campaign staffers, but, he was an active participant. Particularly in painting the Clintons as racists. Or more specifically, he and his campaign stood by as the press did it. All of the Clintons’ comments cited by Obama’s campaign as part of a “disturbing pattern” were pretty easily explained. Looking back, now they seem pretty clearly misconstrued: “a roll of the dice” (Bill on Obama’s inexperience), “a fairy tale” (Bill on Obama as eternally-blooming Iraq peacenik), “…working, hard-working Americans, white Americans” (Hillary’s awkward attempt to avoid saying “white trash”), and of course the comment that “Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June” (Hillary was talking about delegate-gathering and timing). When Obama was asked for his reactions, he often would say that he was for clean, above-board politics. Then his campaign staff would run off to fan the flames. Crafty clever successful political strategy. But, still, it was pretty far off Obama’s pristine, untouchable brand.

SUPER COOL BIT #4: McCain would often hold staff meeting wearing only a dress shirt and boxer shorts. Enuff said.

SUPER COOL BIT #5: Ted Kennedy gave the presidency to Obama. His rebuke of Clinton changed everything. When Kennedy publicly threw his support to Obama, I knew it was over. Not consciously, perhaps. Not at the time. But looking back, it really was a huge game changer (LOL). Caroline and Maria Shriver came out for Obama, too, and Kennedy gave that huge eloquent speech. It was a magical transcendent moment. Seeing that particular old-guard liberal Dem denounce the Clintonian politics of the past, was breathtaking. And after that, it really was all downhill for Obama.

SUPER COOL BIT #6: Those debates were some utterly riveting shit. From Sarah Palin’s mincing about and calling Biden “Joe,” to the horrible gangbang on Clinton in Ohio, to the spectacle of nutty little Ron Paul savaging Bush’s war policies and getting boooooed, to Barack muttering “You’re likable enough, Hillary”… Wheee!!! What television!! I miss it. I really do. And I’m only somewhat heartened by the thought that the campaign for 2012 will probably begin, well… any day now.

[Addendum: Some may note that the above super cool bits don’t include an item specific to Gov. Palin. That’s because although much of what was revealed about her in Game Change was shocking, none of it was surprising. It said she’s a dumb twat who was out of her league. I know. Try to contain your amazement.]

Please Allow Me a Moment to Make an Obvious Point The US...

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 15:54:00 -0500

Please Allow Me a Moment to Make an Obvious Point

The US government is currently using tax dollars to pay for Medicare, a public health plan that covers most of the old people in the country. And the VA uses federal funds to support it’s socialized system that cares for wounded military personnel. And the country’s social services systems cover poor children.

In other words we, as American taxpayers, have already removed the majority of elderly people, wounded soldiers, and sickly poor children from the insurance pool. So that just leaves the middle of the field - folks 18-60 who are, statistically speaking, healthy - for the private insurance companies to cherry pick. And that strikes me as, at best, a disgusting racket; and at worst, a fascistic collusion between state and corporation.

But that’s obvious, no?

Thank god for Keith Olbermann. The tea party...

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 23:48:00 -0500

Thank god for Keith Olbermann. The tea party “movement” is not a real thing. It’s just racism. Pure and unashamed. And the media compulsively, and frustratingly, ignore and overlook this OBVIOUS fact. But not Olbermann. And here he’s as eloquent as ever. (“Where are they? … Where are they?”) Amen, brother, preach on.

Look, Sarah Palin had another retarded baby!

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 11:29:01 -0500

Look, Sarah Palin had another retarded baby!

This commercial is super-cute.

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 20:15:10 -0500

This commercial is super-cute.

Awwww… Oh, and PS, AWWWWWW… (That one’s for @unsunghero00.)

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 19:11:00 -0500

Awwww…

Oh, and PS, AWWWWWW…

(That one’s for @unsunghero00.)

This thing is silly, but srsly, I wish they all could be Utah...

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 13:55:16 -0500

This thing is silly, but srsly, I wish they all could be Utah valley girls. Check’em out. They’re truly a breed apart. And this is a rare peek into their world. I’m not sure what exactly they’re doing to give themselves that super-distinct look, but, they’re doing a very thorough job of it. I guess it’s some kind of ratio of overly-styled hair to eyeliner. No? I dunno. Oh, and I love the accents they’ve got! Whenever people ask me about a Salt Lake accent - what is it? (which is constantly, btw) - I tell them to Think Rosanne Barr w/out all the awesome sarcasm. As for the boys’ look? Think Chops, the farmboy Paris Hilton was fucking on The Simple Life. Boys in Utah come in only two flavors, gay-looking goody-twoshoes, and Chops. Check out the boys in the video. There’s one of each. Love ya, SLC.

Jesus is everywhere.

Sat, 30 Jan 2010 22:08:13 -0500

Jesus is everywhere.

When dogs have anxiety dreams.

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 15:11:18 -0500

When dogs have anxiety dreams.

I’m sorry but there’s something really fucking...

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 14:51:00 -0500

I’m sorry but there’s something really fucking ridiculous and disgusting and psychotic about this recent news that Pope John Paul II used to whip himself with a belt “to bring him closer to Christian perfection.” Now, I’m not overly studied when it comes to Catholic dogma, but, isn’t the pope supposed to be the picture of Catholic/Christian perfection? Like, incarnate or whatever? Oh yeah, the word is “infallible.” And isn’t that the basis for their whole fucking church? Poor Catholic dears. They can be actually infallible - they can even be actually The Pope - and still need to beat the shit out of themselves for being bad people. Glad their standard isn’t one to which I hold myself. It’s reeeeetaaaaaaarded!

Okay, so, I couldn’t find the original Carol Burnett...

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:49:11 -0500

Okay, so, I couldn’t find the original Carol Burnett version of this joke, The Wide Mouthed Frog, but, here’s a pretty good, if amateur LOL, retelling of it. Should have special significance to @xopherok + @judithbaicich.

Yes, this is dogshit in a paper towel on the sidewalk. If I...

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 14:50:00 -0500

Yes, this is dogshit in a paper towel on the sidewalk. If I may… What happened here? Did, as @suddenlyjen suggests, someone simply forget the final crucial step of putting it in the trash? That seems implausible. I think they would’ve just left the dogshit alone, right? Why get it into the paper towel in the first place. I dunno. Did something drag it out of the trash? If so, I doubt it was a dog. The trashcans are too tall for that. And if it was a dog, wouldn’t they have eaten the dogshit? Otherwise, why go to all the trouble of jumping into a trashcan to retrieve it. Anyway, my hypothesis is that a bum dug it out of the trash, thinking it might be something to eat. He/she walked on, unwrapping the “food,” only to discover that it wasn’t food. It was dogshit. And dropping it. Anyone got a better idea?

Are y’all as excited as I am about the epic comeback...

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 15:42:00 -0500

Are y’all as excited as I am about the epic comeback Pee-wee Herman is about to make? It was in this last week’s New Yorker and the current Blackbook. Clearly, it’s happening. Yaaaaaaay!

It’s too bad Lady Gaga’s music sucks. ‘Cause...

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 16:28:26 -0500

It’s too bad Lady Gaga’s music sucks. ‘Cause the videos are amazing.

Could Anderson Cooper’s ratings really have decreased by...

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 17:32:00 -0500

Could Anderson Cooper’s ratings really have decreased by 70% in the past year in the 25-54 demo? This stuff’s hilarious!